Relationship Fears: Glass Shelves Crashing to the Floor Signal Perspective Shift
Had a strange day yesterday. It was Valentine's Day. I was feeling kind of moody. Been under a lot of financial pressure this month. Which has been affecting everything. The filing of my divorce papers is effectively on hold until I receive another check to pay for the filing fee. That's pretty agonizing since both my ex and I want to move on. Had dinner with my Valentine last night which was good, except that she too was feeling strange. The current political state in the U.S. is really upsetting her. She is so worried that the U.S. will become a facist state that she seems to be verging on depression. We've been talking about possibly moving to Canada to be out of the U.S. if and when other countries attack it in a WWIII scenario. I asked her "what hopes she had for our relationship?". She replied that she had none. All her hopes were for her two daugheters--having none for herself. I told her I thought that was sad. We sat in silence for a while. Then she said that in so many words that she had lost faith in relationships and learned to not have expectations. Of course, all this is said to give you an idea of my general mood before going to sleep.
Just before we got into that discussion, she had mentioned that she would have to be leaving soon because her youngest daughter (17) would be getting home soon.
It is true that she is hyperfocused on her daughters. She admits that it drives her crazy and she feels like she always has to be on guard 24/7. Anyway, I feel sad about it. It pretty much defines my place, or my importance in her life. I think I would just like to hear from her how she feels about me. I know she cares about me by how she acts. I guess she is someone who doesn't give her love away easily. Or at least doesn't say it. I think it is great that she loves her daughters so much. They are so lucky, but she does drive herself crazy at times in devotion to them. Nothing else in her life matters when it comes to them.
Well, on to the dream...
This may seem a bit anti-climatic since I can't remember much, but here goes:
The dream seems to have two phases, each occuring at the same time from a different perspective. I am in a store on a streetfront. In the store are display shelves of glass, on which are items made of glass. An old man leans on the shelves, backing into it, and in doing so, he knocks the shelves over and everything falls crashing to the ground. Then outside a whole chaotic war begins. Infantrymen and tanks roar into view and a full battle ensues. We sit there watching helplessly.
Later in the dream, I am outside the store at a point before the battle begins. I see about 7 or 8 men sitting on the ground outside the store, with their backs against the store window. One of them, an older Asian man leans against the window, and slowly the shelves on the other side begin to fall over, every thing crashing to the ground. He has a surprised look upon his face as he falls backwards.
That's all I can piece together from that dream—but I know there was more. I also remember seeing an old girlfriend named Susie walking away from me in another scene, and I thinking nostalgically that she and I were good together.
Thoughts:
Seems that given the current circumstances that the shelves falling over and everything crashing to the ground—and battle breaking out—could represent my fear that my relationship with Em might end. I guess it could just mean that my current view of our relationship is ending. The battle scene could be related to our efforts to effect political change—we are both political activists.
Astrologically, my transits had indicated that my idealized view of our relationship would be ending around the end of January. That what remained may be the most valuable part of the relationship.
It's not like we had an argument or anything. Another transit had mentioned that inappropriate relationships may end during this time (period from now until May, 2006). That's worrying me. So, I guess for my own well being, I need to try not to have expectations either. To relax, stay on target of regaining financial stability and move through the divorce. To let my relationship with Em take it's natural course. Not to project any of my hopes or expectations on her. Nor to expect her love or be passive agressive toward her if she doesn't reciprocate in a way I would like. Just let her show her love as she is willing.
